In Memorium

So today is a very sensitive and significant day in my life, marking half a decade since my dear mum passed away from breast/bowel cancer. It was a thing my family and I knew was going to happen, like watching a building fall in slow motion. I had to become a lot less dependent - which has come in handy for me now what with the cooking and cleaning and such. I was aware of how close this day was getting since the start of the month, and combined with the general pressures of starting my second term of second year, and missing Jackson, I wasn't in the best head space. It was a great relief, therefore, to have Jackson come stay with me for a few days, cook me food, watch movies, and generally make me forget the stresses of day-to-day life. Today, I actually forgot for awhile what importance the date had until he went home again and something just clicked in my mind. I'm not feeling sad though, which is good - it may have something to do with the half bottle of wine I have drank! But as I watch the many lights flicker in my central heated bedroom, I feel I have a degree of control and freedom with my life that she would be proud of. 
So to end this increasingly short entry, I want to say thank you to my mum, to praise all others who, like me, had to grow up a little bit faster, and to admire those mothers who continue to amaze us with their skills which the former camp feel they may never master.

Little Announcement

House Update: I have a new housemate so we're back to six people in this crazy place. I hope all goes well with us.
In other news, I finished my library internship yesterday but I've been so busy today, I haven't had a chance to get myself back to the Proprietary Library since last Saturday. I'm trying (hopefully for the best) to get all my notes from the Autumn term typed up. Still got to keep going with the reading too. It's going to be so hectic. But at least I have Jackson coming to visit me next weekend - I do miss him...and anything close to human love.

You Can't Fall Off the Floor

It's been almost a week since my little accident and, as per my amazing immunity, my finger is healing well. I'm almost done with my library internship too, however I have a feeling that these last two days are going to be long ones - tomorrow especially. I have been inspired by the intro lecture on Monday for Creative Non-fiction to be more fearless in my writing, excited at the prospect of incorporating Freud, psychology, and the sublime into my work once more with the Gothic on Tuesday, today I've been complimented highly by the quality of my piece on the graveyard (I genuinely couldn't believe the rest of my group had nothing big to point out to me). I got a bit wet bringing my Aldi food shop home as I didn't have a third arm to hold my umbrella. Just now, I got back from a performance entitled Pact with Pointlessness, a contemporary/comedy piece about dealing with death. I may have been reading too much into it, but the pressure of keeping that memory at bay by focusing on other things was very evident in Wendy Houston's performance. The comedy element, in my opinion, ruined it at times, however, I did appreciate the confusion and disjointedness of her words (reminding me a little of Hannah Silva's Schlock! which I saw in first year and I was enchanted by). At times she danced, at times she ran about, at times she danced and ran about in a cardboard box (weird). But it made me cry a little, without any particular cue or remark other than the tone which everything eventually took. The title of this post, by the way, was among the many random messages Wendy had scrolling across the bottom of a projected screen behind her at intervals. Made me think there was a message behind that; something about not being able to fall any further once you've hit the bottom. I don't know. 

Anyway, tomorrow is another early start so I'll be going. Classes starting for real in just a few days now.